Original Air Date: October 18, 2011
Directed By: Thor Freudenthal
Written By: Richie Keen and Heath Corson
Summary: Marcus catches Nick on a “job” and has to disclose his deep, dark secret in order to not have Nick kill him; Nick has a break-through with the girl of his dreams, Amanda…all while he’s trying to figure out how to take out the Russian mercenary planning to steal a radioactive isotope.
Quotes From The Episode
Nick: She could be pointing that laser at anybody. I’m telling you, she’s into me.
Marcus: Have you considered that maybe she just wants to shoot you?
Nick: Listen. You think I like her brushing up against me and offering me private tutoring lessons? She scares me. You’re my best bud. I’m just trying to bring you into my world.
Marcus: I don’t want to be in your world, okay. I haven’t since the day I met you.
Nick: (While have a gun pointed at Marcus) You’re the jackass who throws off the curve in geometry. You know a good diner? I’m starving.
Nick: I’ll tell you why I like chili fries. Two side dishes teaming up and making a meal, mm.
Nick: Okay, look, I’ll tell you what I can do. I can get you a contract from Homeland Security stating that if you ever repeat anything that you saw here tonight you get a one-way ticket to Kandahar.
Marcus: I’m not signing anything.
Nick: I try and be a nice guy. You know, I give options. So you sure you don’t wanna get in on these, seeing as it’s your last meal?
Miss Walker: Nick, what did I just say?
Nick: Uh, you said, “Light is very good and darkness is very bad.” Which, incidentally, I know is true because it was in Return of the Jedi.
Miss Walker: Very funny, Obi Wan.
Nick: Look, I just don’t see how light can be two things. It’s light. Things are absolute in this world. You know, like Marcus’ virginity.
Nick: I came real close to Killing Derek with his shoelace that day. But as my handler always says, “The world’s full of assholes. You gonna kill them all?” That and a dead swim captain would have really blown our chances at state. So I have school spirit. Sue me.
Nick: The Nightly Intruder? That’s as big a mystery as to why Tina Perry let Robbie Erickson finger-bang under the bleachers at the Spring Fling. Which, by the way, The Nightly Intruder has on video. Which also, by the way, I did not watch. A man has to have his limits. And the video was kind of dark and hard to make out much detail.